What Love Should Not Be.

Posted on Posted in Blog
∼ Inspired by a beautiful soul, Miss Mo.
 
I had held on to what we thought was love for so long. Watched as we both slowly had our first death of who we really are and the difference in our creation. We created a bond so deep that we could not bear our hearts to accept the truth that we were not compatible. But, we lost it all to lust when we ignored the truth. We were breaking, going back and forth, tearing each other apart. It was the emptiness that we created that kept us close to each other. Several times, I plucked your petals one after the other without knowing it and you did same to me.
 
What we felt wasn’t love. Broken hearts trying to heal each other, which was a foolish thing to do in the first place. I could see stars in your eyes and a teary fire. You were burning despite the bond we had. I, sought after something extraordinary so I shut my heart too, the way you did. I hoped to move on because I could not bear to see you suffer. And, I walked away with an honest intention hoping our paths will cross again. To God, I prayed and whispered about how much I wanted our destiny to be one and how fate should bring us together.
                                                 
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There were days I felt hopeless and tired. I was about giving up until we met again at Alausa bus-stop. You were the perfect gentleman my eyes had laid its beauty upon in a long long time, we smiled at and said a “hey” to each other. It was very awkward and a bad spot for catching up. The conductors screamed their destinations into the ears of passersby. You kept smiling at me and I wondered why? I could not take it anymore. So, I pulled you aside to ask if you were in a haste when you replied with a “no”, I knew we had to talk about a lot. We took a silent stroll to the Ikeja city mall. I ordered Swan bottle water and you a Power horse drink. We sat down and remained quiet for a while as I stared deep into your brown pupil eyes. I could tell there was something I deserved to know. I was sure it was fate that had caused us to meet again. It was a month ago I received the strange message on my phone ‘Hello,☺ hope you are fine? Anyways, I am Lola’… I thought it was a prank till you confirmed it when we spoke on the phone. You had moved on and your excuse was you did not know how to tell me. But, the streak of light you gave me had me syncopate your heart for the one month you acted like fate itself.
 
You broke my heart and destroyed my love for love. Your sorries were not enough for one second, I was dying and you claimed to also be suffering. It was in this dark time that I found God again, whose love is unconditional, who holds the broken. I was never strong not once not ever. And I thought I could pull through in finding love but I failed to familiarise myself with my first love. I pushed away from the supernatural for the natural. It failed me simply because I was a fool asking for love when it had always been in my life.
 
Love was all wrong for I could not love myself or God – the love itself.😢 It seemed late but now…
 
He is teaching me not to love because it is a norm (sort of). But, he is teaching me to love because I have to, he is also teaching me how to love myself, and how to find the right love for me. While doing this, I decided to leave you, searching for true love this note
 
Dear Love Seeker,
 
You will not find love until you have love itself, which is God
 
Natural love will not heal you because healing is of the supernatural
 
The bitter truth is when you find it
 
You will not know it because you have never loved yourself
 
When you meet love, you will say to it
 
How was I the only one you cared about?
 
How do you feel anytime I am with you?
 
How do you never want me to leave?
 
When I am insecure
 
You will not get the answer you deserve because
 
You have been insecure before you met it.
 
Yours Truly, Healing heart.
 
You are beautiful and deserving of love but you will not find love if you do not have God and self-love.
Photo Credit: Pixabay.
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