For a long time, I was clueless about ‘Love’. So, when I pondered on why I always ended up in the wrong relationships or sucked at love, I realized it was me holding back on God. Instead, I allowed depression and social anxiety to frighten me out of being in love. And as much as it sounds nasty or sad, they shaped me into a “wall of China”, and an unbreakable flower. My mistakes, growth, fears and personal relationship with God helped me realize a lot about love and I am thankful to God for not allowing my sleazy ways haunt me.

Before my relationship with God, I thought to be in love with the opposite sex was going to heal me, and make me secure. The only reason I wanted to be with anyone was because it aroused my imagination as a writer, and suppressed the guilt of my social disorder. The truth is relationship is not a drug or an excuse. It is a partnership built on the foundation of love, which is God. Love, on the other hand, is a strong feeling or an emotional connection with another person. For every relationship to succeed and be true, God has to be the basis for it. Every time, I think back to 2012, when I finally ‘let go and let God’, I am ever grateful.

What I know now about love are some of the things I am working to inculcate in my regular relationships with friends, colleagues, fellow Christians, church…and the list goes on.

To have a godly relationship, it is very essential that an emotional partnership is built on the foundation of glorifying God. For the unmarried couples, the material should not be stretched beyond the areas it is meant to cover. Do not indulge yourself in premarital sex. However, not being a virgin does not withdraw God’s love from you. Whatever mistakes you have made in the past should not seal your destiny. Acknowledge your sin, accept that you are a sinner, and ask God for forgiveness and grace to overcome all kinds of temptation.


It is very possible to be in an emotional relationship without being romantically involved. How you feel for each other should not be dependent on sex, foreplay or whatever sexual concepts exists.

“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”

Our body as much as it is ours, has already been bought by Jesus. When we misuse it, abuse it or go against God’s commandment, we are breaching the contract and destroying the relationship we have with our maker and creator. The truth hurts but you have to learn to accept it for what it is. This race that you run is not an easy one, which is why you need the holy spirit to convict you, help you and control your fleshly desires. Love goes beyond the physical. It is emotional, mental and social.

What I know now about Love is that it is a great feeling, and partnership. Everyone deserves love. Also, I have learned that love is more than saying it and feeling it. It is about showing it, which is why ‘love’ requires all of these:


“Let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God…the person who refuses to love doesn’t know the first thing about God, because God is love…”

1John 4:7-8

God is the basis for everything. Therefore, Love is an equal ratio to God. God is love and love is God. For a godly relationship to survive, it has to be built on God as the foundation. To love means to know God and to give love means to serve God with your heart, body and soul (Matthew 22:37). Being in a relationship means partnering together for the sole purpose of glorifying God. A single person should know that her or his rights differ from that which God as assigned to a married couple.


Every relationship deserves this. It is humbling, loving and sacrificial. You both have to be willing to sacrifice some things to walk on a levelled ground.

“Can two walk together except they agree?”

Amos 3:3

I am guilty of this as much you are. It can be hard to compromise your comfort zone for love’s sake but very helpful. Compromise is not for one partner but the two people involved in the relationship. To make the relationship work, you have to meet each other half-way. Yet as a woman of faith in God, I will not advice you to compromise your salvation for a relationship. Love involves two people willing to make it work.


You should be willing to go out of your way or comfort zone to meet your partner or friend halfway. Often times, expectation is more than expenditure. You want more than what you can offer. Sacrifice has nothing to do with gender role but everything with selflessness.

“…Love one another the way I loved. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends”

John 15:13

How much are you willing to offer in the relationship? You know the relationship is the right one if you are willing to sacrifice much for the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with forever.


People will fail you. Be it friends, colleagues, relatives or strangers. That is why I keep saying ‘expect the worse from people’. Prepare your mind for what might happen. Also, expect the best from people. Look beyond the flaws, open your heart and forgive because if God can forgive you despite your numerous sins, who are you to hold onto another’s transgressions. When you forgive, it frees and heals you. Be forgiving in your relationships, and move past the hurt.

“… it does not take into account a wrong endured”

1 Corinthians 13:5

You can also read the book 1 Peter 4:8.


This is as important as God. Considering that God has made the man for every woman and vice versa. Therefore, it is good to maintain a relationship with God because He will sustain the relationship. Yet, before going into a relationship, it is important that you talk to your father about the person you are interested in – this will be discussed elaborately in another article.

There should be no regrets in your life. So whatever relationship has passed you by, do not give up on love and the future. Just keep learning and getting better everyday. What I know now about love are things I am going to develop in myself and relationships and so should you. Apart from what I have mentioned above, you need to realize your self-worth, love yourself, listen, be understanding, and respectful. Also, love should not make you scared of living or anything (1 John 4:18-19).


Photo Credit: The Odyssey Online.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *