I remember the night of my birthday when he called me over to his place saying that he had a big surprise for me. I went over, and he closed my eyes as he led me into his room blindfolded, all I could hear was the sound of ‘Birthday sex’ being played at the background. He then opened my eyes once we got to the door of the room, I saw candles lit on the two opposite sides of the path that led to his bed, a beautiful nightwear top and lingerie placed neatly on his bed, he had the whole thing well planned out. My first impression though was a disappointment, so I walked away, but before I could get out of his room, he grabbed me with his warm hands and pulled me onto his chest, I could hear his heartbeat to something more than love.
He held me tightly in his arms and whispered into my ears “don’t be scared,” how can one not be? When did he get this way? As some scary thoughts ran through my mind so did he run his fingers through my hair, I was confused at the moment. He released me from his arms, gave me a smirk, he held my shoulders with a tight grip and then kissed my forehead, neck, cheeks, chin, he lifted up my right hand and passionately kissed it. After doing all these, he asked me to go change, at first, I foolishly agreed and headed for the bathroom, I was already in when my senses came back, and I went out to tell him bluntly what I thought about the whole birthday surprise. I asked him what the hell was going on? I said to him that this was not what we signed up for, that he promised nothing would happen until we have tied the knot. He did not utter a word but instead moved closer to me until he was about an inch away from me, with anger raging on the inside of him, he asked what is love if I cannot do this simple thing? Are you going to ruin this moment, your surprise? This is me showing you love. I could see only lust in his eyes, so I replied saying, you are going to dishonor me for what you call love, you want to take away my dignity and pride before you own them? He turned his back on me but I still love him very much, so I hugged him from behind while standing on my toes because of his height and told him that I appreciate his effort to surprise me on my birthday but that he was getting it all wrong, I mean the whole sex and love-ish. I then hugged him tightly, gave him a passionate kiss at the back of his neck and walked away from him, a lifetime mistake, and that moment, he did not try to stop me this time around. With tears crawling down my cheeks and a heavy heart hoping that he will still love me, I wrote him this poem with the hope that he will not repeat the action for the second time.
We kiss we fight we break up we make up.
Things will not always be perfect
Do you understand how and what love is?
Love is something beautiful and ugly,
It is learning to live with both of another
Love is giving not just taking or expecting
It is different from any other feeling,
Sometimes you understand, and other times you are perplexed by it
Love is originality not a copycat, you love your own way and not as another
There is a happiness, security and warmth love gives that nothing else can.
Love understands, acknowledges you for who you are
It has no time bound, limitless
Love is kind, forgiving, merciful, pure, innocent
It is right only when God is involved
It encourages and shows affection.
There is no crime in sex, but it becomes one when it is misused or abused to satisfy an urge that cannot be controlled
Sex can be holy or unholy depending on how and with whom it is practiced
We were created as sexual beings but also as one man to one woman
Sex should not be done in foolishness but in wisdom
You don’t have sex to prove love because love proves itself
Two hearts become one by love but two bodies only become one by sex.
Sex is an act while love is pure art
Just the same way love is not a mistake, sex cannot be had by mistake whether you are drunk or not because a depressed soul is full of the damage it causes itself
Why be young and rush into something for the old?
Why stay out of marriage to have sex when you can stay in the union and have sex, love and a home?
Love is addictive and sex is also addictive but remember that love can only give a heartbreak whereas adulterated sex can provide you with death.
There is still good in you hope you will find out that sex and love are right when they are not abused
As a woman, your dignity and pride is and will always be your virginity and soul, trade them not for dishonor
As a man, love honestly and keep what is yours to yourself until you find your woman of eternity
Boys and girls, men and women, be wise in your doings, careful in your decisions and faithful to yourselves because
More than you hurt another, you will hurt yourself.
Notwithstanding, remember the bible passage that says your body is the temple of God and should be kept holy, well those who tried to do otherwise danced to the tune of the music like David, Reuben as well as others. Be wise in your doings, love honestly and have sex at the right time, with the right person and not outside the holy union, just my advice.
Photo Credits: Katie McNaught.
Bibiana Ossai © 2015.